Staring at an empty nest...

In less than a month, I will be 15 years away from 60.

This is the math my head is messing with in the middle of the night. My oldest is already out of the house. My middle child started college. My youngest started her Junior year last week.

Over cups of coffee and moments of bewilderment, my husband and I are watching our nest empty. It’s not happening all at once, but it’s not happening slowly either. Life is changing. We’re not a fan of surprises (unless they involve cake). As our nest empties, and we watch our little birds fly away, one by one (or practice their flying skills), we are trying to figure out who we are and what we want.

Where it started

Donovan has wanted to move for a long time. I’ve been clamping myself to the floor of our house for just as long. I moved around a lot during my childhood. Having one home for an extended period is such a gift. I wanted to give that to my kids and myself. Having stability means that you can focus on other things: finishing school, finding ways to invest in your family or yourself, building a dream, and figuring out who you are. Being stable means you don’t have to worry about the essentials, so that you can take time to figure out the more complicated pieces of your life, your relationships, dreams, and values. While I’ve been holding onto our home for dear life, I’ve had that chance to work hard, transform, discover parts of myself that I couldn’t before, and take the time to grow. It’s been such a blessing. I love that for us.

Yet, within the past couple of years, a restlessness has been building. It began in 2021, on a business trip to Knoxville, TN. On the first day, I walked out of my hotel and walked down the street to a coffee shop. That experience changed me. For me to step outside of a building, walk to a coffee shop, and experience the morning, my surroundings, and the people, felt intoxicating. It was the first time I realized how car-bound I feel at home. Knoxville showed me how freeing it was not to rely on a car, and I was hooked.

🌱 Seed planted: Live somewhere where I can walk to a coffee shop.

Last year, I started doing odd things like scrolling through houses on Zillow in different cities. I felt lost and aimless, but I felt the need to start searching. What I wasn’t doing was being honest with Donovan about how I was feeling. I had held onto our house so hard, I wasn’t sure how he would react if I told him I was thinking of moving. I gathered my courage and shared with him what I’d been doing on the sidelines.

He was relieved and agreed that looking at Zillow wasn’t the best place to start. We knew we needed to begin from a different point of view. So, we did what we always do and made a calendar event for a moving conversation.

How it’s going

🗓️ Action: Create space for the conversation

We started meeting on January 11th of this year. Each month, we work through what moving means to us, what our needs are, what we want, and what we hope our new home will fulfill in terms of our family’s future.

First, we made a list of our “must-haves”. These are the items on our list that are non-negotiables for our next home. This applies to the neighborhood, community, and city we hope to move to. Things like:

A house that has:
- a main floor master bedroom
- lots of windows
- a writer’s room

A town/city where
- we can walk to a coffee shop (general walkability)
- there is a strong small business presence
- we can hike in nearby parks

Next, we have our “nice-to-haves” that include access to Refillery stores and a pond on our property.

The point is, we are dreaming. At this stage, we aren’t editing. We are creating a master list that acts as our guide for the future. We realize that we won’t be able to check off every box, but if we know which boxes are the most important to check, then we know what it will feel like to call our new home, home.

Where we’re headed

We have no idea. That’s the fun part, and that’s what I want to share with you. Donovan and I are taking the long view of figuring out our next phase in life, and I’d love it if you joined us. We are building a life. I don’t hear many people talking about that, so I’d like to start the conversation. This doesn’t only apply to empty nesters; this applies to anyone who is looking at their life and wanting to make a change.

We are looking for our next nest.

Next steps

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If you’d like to stay updated on our journey, click the subscribe button below. You can follow me on Threads or Bluesky. Other than that, I would love to hear how this post resonated with you. Please tell me in the comments. Where are you in your world-building process? I’m listening.

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Written with H O M E - Beautiful Ethereal Ambient Music - Deep Healing Meditation Soundscape playing in the background