Get Out of the Water

I can’t believe this is the title. I lost my brother earlier this year to drowning. He would have been 48 this year. Images of water and drowning bring me to tears. I typed the title before I stopped to think. It still applies. And, I think I would have wanted to tell my brother the same thing. I love you, John.

I’ve been struggling for a while. Writing about my past has been helpful. While doing research and revisiting what memories I have are insightful, there is a depth and discouragement to the work that’s hard to bear. It’s overwhelming. The painful feelings experienced in the past are paired with present circumstances that make it hard to process. I need to take a step back. I need to write, but there are other incredibly joyful things happening as well that I’d rather talk about. The world is so good and terrible at the same time, and swimming in it can feel like far too much.

I want to help, and the idea that comes up more than anything is the idea of world-building. There is plenty to fight against what we don’t want. And, there is the idea that at this time of chaos and struggle, we can begin building what we do want.

Jesus did this all the time. (I love him so much)

Any time he met someone in need, he asked one simple question:

What do we want? When we’re overwhelmed and afraid, of course, the answer is that we want the pain to stop. If we didn’t feel so terrible all the time, maybe we could think of something else we’d like to do. I think there is more to Jesus’ question. You have the current world you’re experiencing. Is that enough? Or do you want something different?

Beyond the pain, what kind of world would you want to live in? If we don’t answer this question, then we’re going to keep falling into what we already have, the place that’s kept us sick in the first place.

God, of course, is the original world builder. And, this conversation will not address whether or not he did a great job or how long it took, but he’s had a bit of practice. I’m okay to follow someone with that much experience.

World-building takes time. Lots of work. Tons of creativity, experimentation, research, play, rest, frustration, and maybe a bit of madness to believe that something that we might build can come to life. And, world-building does not mean we have to make huge transformations. World-building takes all the practice, whether it involves writing a few words, painting a room, starting a conversation, or transforming an environment. Any change is a change. And, any change can make a difference.

World Building in Action

Here are a few things that I want.

I want to help my girls step into their futures.

I want to find a new space for my husband and me to land. Not sure when or where, but we’re having a lot of fun figuring that out.

I want to support the causes that are doing good work. And, putting my money where my mouth is will feel really good. Volunteering would be helpful, too.

And, I have some more private dreams I’d love to bring to life.

It’s funny. I’m sitting in a coffee shop, and as I type, a grandma holds a tiny kiddo. One of my biggest dreams was to be a mom and raise good people. That’s taken a ton of work, and I’ll never be done. But that dream started with action. Finding a person, developing a relationship, and well…having sex. Those were the first steps. There were hours of sleep lost, doctor visits, emotional growth, tears, years, ER visits, vacations, sleep schedules, so much talking, and way more listening. It has been hard work. That’s what world-building is. Taking the first step is only the beginning. Having the baby is barely the start. The real work is making what you created healthy and keeping it strong. In a way, creating is almost the easy part. It’s the parenting part of a dream that is hard.

How to parent a dream? Hmm, I’m not even sure. I’ll need to meditate on that. But you and I, that’s what we’re called to. We’re parents, whether we have human kids or not. There are sparks inside of us that could become living and breathing things, even if the only thing we need to parent is ourselves.

I’m not sure what your dream is, but whatever it is, I think you’ll make a great parent.

So, it’s okay to get out of the water. We don’t have to hold our breath for longer than necessary. Listen to what you need. Take care of yourself. Yes, address the pain. And start thinking about what you want on the other side. Who do you want to be? What do you want to say? Where do you want to go?

I’m with you. And, I see you.

I can’t wait to see what you build.

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Written with Jon Bellion Radio playing in the background.