If I assigned a word to 2026, it would be “Precarious”. The state of the world, the nuance of relationships, everything feels fragile. At the beginning of the year, I felt like I was barely hanging on. One slip and I would lose something, if not everything. Events took place that we had no control over, and we had to ride them out. Some of them, we are still gripping the wheel through. But, we’re making it. Slowly, surely. We’re moving.

It’s taken a lot of willingness on our part to expand in ways that we haven’t before. We’ve had to admit our limits, ask for help, call in professionals, and get expert opinions. It’s been a lot, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s been an exhausting year so far. God help us, it’s only March.

I’m sitting here on an early morning, reflecting on the events of the year. Already, we’ve chosen not to go on vacation due to specific circumstances. We’re opting for a Stay-cation. Even then, the Stay-cation will look different. Not all the family will be with us. Our kids are going in all types of directions. Good and different. Lots of things feel different. It’s been a process to accept it.

I’ve been angry. I love our vacations, our faraway travel, hitting the open road, and discovering new places. Choosing not to go far away this year feels limiting and frustrating. And, yeah, I’ve been upset about it.

Not far from me is a person talking to a friend. Their life hasn’t turned out the way they’d hoped either. When I first came here, I struggled sitting within earshot. Their beliefs are different from mine, and their complaints were grating. I could see how their faith hadn’t prepared them for the choices they were facing. They’d been promised things. I know this because I’ve lived with the same mindset. It’s frustrating when the life you were promised doesn’t materialize. Anger turns to rage. Unless you are willing to see your life from a different perspective.

At first, I judged this person. But, after sitting long enough to journal, ingest enough coffee, center myself, and do a bit of cross-stitch, I thought about my next steps. There’s another decision I’ve been working through, and it will take more trust in God and trust in God’s rejection.

I’m used to this in one area of my life. I know that if I step out and take risks, I’ve experienced time and time again that the things I wanted but didn’t get turned out to be what I did not need. I’ve experienced it so much that it’s easier to let go when opportunities don’t come through. At this point, I breathe a sigh of relief when something doesn’t work out. I’m able to trust that God is protecting me from what I can’t see. I move on.

What I haven’t done is bring that same mindset into other areas of my life. If something isn’t working out, I do the opposite. Push harder, try to figure out why it’s not working, wear my brain out wondering what’s wrong. Is it me? Is it them? Secretly shaking my fist to the heavens, I cry, wondering why things aren’t working.

God probably sits there shaking his head.

It occurred to me that while I’m stewing over the fact that we can’t travel for vacation, the same miracle applies in this situation. God is caring for us still. Yeah, we can’t travel this year. And? Rejection is God’s protection. The two things can be true at the same time. I can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that the “no” can be just as freeing as a “yes”. I only have to allow myself the possibility that in the “no”, I will still receive exactly what I need. I am okay.

We live in a world of options. I can find clothes from nearly 10 years ago that I used to wear (I’m wearing my new decade-old Rocket Dogs right now). It’s a little bit crazy, actually. Search hard enough, and you can find whatever you want. The harder thing is to find what you actually need.

Thank God for the “No’s”, for the things that don’t work out, the people that rub us wrong, for reflection, coffee, matcha, restrictions, and options. God’s rejection is God’s protection.

If we allow it.

If my work brings you joy, and you’d like to support it, you can become a subscriber by clicking the button above. If a subscription is not your thing, you can support my caffeine addiction writing by clicking the button below! Thanks!