The Worst Part of New Year's: You Are Not Who You Want To Be

Hi, my friend.

I’ve missed you. Here we are in 2026. Another year. The strange excitement of a turned page, along with the realization that everything people hoped would disappear, is still very much real. Maybe you woke up with the same pain in your body. Or, you looked at your phone and felt the devastation of the daily tragedy in the news. Maybe the terrors came to you in a far more personal way. It’s not newsworthy, but you feel it reverberate in every fiber of your body.

Talking feels hard. Speaking feels frightening. You want to speak, but the words only make it more real. So, you keep the words inside yourself, close to your center. You do what you need to do because you can’t ignore it, but the experience creates its own isolation. You take care of things, and you are silent about them. You don’t want opinions or judgment, or even other people’s fear. You can only handle your own emotions. And, at the end of the day, you are lonely because you feel like you are the only one walking this cold path.

And, you have to walk it. You don’t have a choice. Life depends on it. Maybe it’s yours or someone else’s. But you do it. You soldier on. And, at the end of the day, you check everyone’s pulse, even your own, just to make sure everything is real. Everyone is okay.

I’m doing this, too. While we may not be on the same path, maybe we are in the same forest. The trees are dense, the cold envelops, and our legs tire. But we have to keep walking. The only way out is through. I know that. But I don’t think we talk about the “through” part enough. Depending on what you are trying to get “through”, the road can be so hard, and building the stamina for it feels more like a magic art than a skill.

But let’s try. Let’s talk about the “through”.

Here’s a personal example.

This past year, I got braces for the first time. This is something I’ve wanted since childhood. This is something I’ve always wanted. I’m proud of them. I choose the flashy brackets because braces aren’t something I’m trying to hide. I’m proud of my decision, and I’m grateful I can do this at this point in my life.

And, so far, the process has been weird.

When you can’t picture the result

I’ve tried. I close my eyes and try to picture what my life is like with straight teeth, and I can’t picture it. I’ve only known the mouth I’ve had. And, she’s a crooked one. I went for some time trying to accept my crooked teeth, but the longing for something different never went away. So, I embraced the discontent, wrote down my goal, and started saving my money. I made the choice to change my teeth. But I still can’t imagine what I will look like in the end. That scares me sometimes. Will I like myself at the ned of this? Will it really be the thing I wanted? I don’t know. There are a lot of unknowns. And, no, I’m not going to use AI to provide me a picture of what I’ll look like with straight teeth. I want to be surprised. This is a version of me that I’ve never met before. I want to know her on my own terms. No generated images, thanks.

It gets worse before it gets better

Ever organized a closet or a dresser? You take everything out, you start categorizing things, and even though you know you are making progress, if someone came in and looked at the progress, to them it would look like you came into the room and had your own personal type of fit. It doesn’t make sense, it feels weird, and things look way more misaligned than when you started.

That’s why I feel right now. I am aware of my teeth every day. Sometimes I feel self-conscious about it. Not about the braces, but of my teeth. It feels like they are almost protruding out of my mouth. My “bite” doesn’t fit in the same way. Yeah, my mouth had its own way of adapting when my teeth were crooked. And now that my teeth are shifting, my mouth is confused. Eating is hard. I am hyper aware of teeth shifting. It’s strange and not comfortable. Yeah, I’ve made my point. Things are weird and hard

… and there is no going back.

It’s lonely

I don’t see many adults with braces. I’m not afraid to be the only one in the room with a mouth full of metal, but at times, I can feel being the “different” one. My braces are the visible thing. I can’t hide them. Right now, they are a part of me. I am in process.

Not everyone’s process is on display. Whether it’s facing an addiction, taking care of a loved one, working on a marriage, or deciding to change a habit, there is a lot that can be hidden. This means that while you walk through the change you are embracing, it can feel really lonely. You feel weird, and you aren’t sure if anyone else is going through the same things. But you don’t speak, which keeps you in isolation. So, the road remains lonely. You can’t always interpret the feelings, thoughts, or experiences well. Silence increases the isolation.

You can’t go back

There is no “back” to go back to. Whatever decision you’ve made, the changes already in place can’t be undone. You have to move forward. What you were doing wasn’t working. You have to forge a new path, build new neuron pathways, and get out of the same ruts you’ve been stuck in that have kept you trapped. Nostalgia is dangerous. You start aching for the way things were. But even if you tried recreating the past, some elements of your story will never be the same. You end up trying to go down a road that is closed and filled with opportunity and people who no longer exist.

So, you choose to keep going forward, even though it scares you.

This is terrible. What can I do?

I love you. Which means I’m not going to feed you any bull. This is hard. It’s probably going to be hard for a while. You will have hard days and nights. You will feel overwhelmed and will probably experience all the feelings. This doesn’t mean you are “doing it wrong” or going in the wrong direction. It means you are changing. You are becoming a different person. Yeah, it’s scary. You probably feel anything but fearless. Getting out of the shower is the hardest part of your day. But you do it. For that, I am proud of you.

Here’s what I can offer.

Your dreams will save you

Yes, you know the one. The one that burns in your body every single day. The thing you know you want to do and are working so hard to achieve. Those dreams are the things that will help you get to where you need to go. Not everyone may come with you, even though you hope they do. That’s okay. Let them go. They have their own dreams to follow. You can love them even though your paths no longer cross. Keep making that dream into a reality. You’re going to need it.

You need to talk about where you are

I know it’s scary. You feel uncomfortable and alone. This is normal. And, you don’t have to feel like this. Find a friend, a therapist, or make an online post (if you are comfortable doing so). Speak to someone about where you are and how you are feeling. In a terrible and wonderful way, you aren’t special. Someone has been through what you have been through, and they can help you. They’ve walked the road you are on and can warn you of the dangers and point you to the wonders. Listen to them. If someone is talking to you, but they haven’t done what you are doing, let them talk, thank them, and find someone else. You need someone with experience, not only someone with opinions.

Make room, aka Take up space

Build a wider table for yourself, new feelings, different experiences, and the people you haven’t met yet. Because you are making changes, your world is going to start to look very different. This is a good thing. Follow your whims, say yes to things you wouldn’t have in your past life. Be willing to transform and give yourself time to process all of it. If integration is going to happen, down to the depths of your being, you have to give yourself time for the new behavior to settle in and change who you are.

Be kind

To yourself and others around you. My braces are visible. My sadness is not. Most everyone around us is being throttled by the winds of change, and most days, we can hardly stand up against the force of things. Be the person to offer a seat, for yourself and for someone else. We need to be able to make it together, if we’re going to make it at all.

We’re going to make it. You and I. Every day that we wake up, we are one day closer to where we want to go and who we want to be. We have to keep waking up, getting out of the shower, facing our fears, and looking for the sun. But we’ll make it. I believe in you. In us.

There is a strange relief in knowing that nothing lasts forever. Even this.

Even the “through”.

Written with Soft Folk Music | Relax Meditate Unwind Rest | Acoustic Banjo played at Forest's Edge playing in the background