Clothing speaks.

For context, I’m sitting in a cafe. It’s Mom’s Morning Out. I’ve done nothing but remain hidden, tucked in a corner, people watching. At one point, the line of people started forming outside the building. It’s that busy. So many people dressed in so many ways. Thankfully, they are too distracted by pastry and caffeine to notice me. The sugar high anticipation is intense.

It’s interesting to watch what others are wearing. You can feel their intent by the choices. Some don’t care what others think and wear whatever. Others are dressed to impress, and you feel it. Then there are those who just love what they love. Those are my favorites. They look happy, and each personal style is unique. It’s theirs. It exudes joy.

One group walked in, and I knew them immediately because of their clothing choices. They all looked the same, a part of the same religious group. You knew it immediately by their color choice (or lack of color) and nametags. My body had an instant reaction. I avoided eye contact. I knew that given the chance, they would want to talk to me, and I don’t want to talk. I’ve never met them, I don’t know them, but because I’ve only had one particular experience with this group of people, I wanted to avoid them at all costs.

The history between us, even though we don’t know each other, already exists.

Later, a separate group of people joined the line. They wore the brightest colors. Probably headed to a Renaissance fair. Though I didn’t talk to them, I was drawn in. I wanted to at least smile. They brought me joy without saying a word. I knew their intent as well. They wore what they wore for joy’s sake. I’ve only been to a Ren fair a handful of times, but it was enough to cement my experience to know how much fun we would have if I chose to climb out of my introvert hole and say something.

The history speaks for itself.

Consider the commonalities. Both groups of people had to be brave to wear what they did. The others around them will respond, regardless. I am curious if both groups of people considered the history behind their fashion choices. I can’t know. I know what I feel. The history is still here.

This post, of course, goes beyond clothing choices. All of us leave a history, regardless of what we wear. How we treat others leaves a trail. A memory is formed, the body absorbs an experience, and people will always respond. They will either want to be around you or they won’t. Growing up, it was impressed on me the importance of wearing things that signified my ties with my religion. I was never to dress in a trashy fashion. Bonus points if I wore a cross or a WWJD bracelet. Again, it showed “bravery. You were telling people “who you were and what you were about”. It took years to realize that those symbols carried a history and made people very hesitant to talk to me. I had to spend so much time being a nice human for others to relax around me. The history was present. I don’t wear much of anything that signifies my faith anymore.

Words fall into this same category. For years, Donovan and I followed a particular religious organization. We listened to their podcasts, went to the retreats, and bought the books and CDs. We looked and sounded just like them. It took a moment in a work setting where I said a particular phrase, and a co-worker looked at me like I was an alien from another planet. I did my best to explain what I said, but realized I didn’t sound like a human anymore. I sounded like “them”. It took years to cleanse my vocabulary of that particular Christian-ese. Now, I’m working through the words that trigger me.

I’m not sure where I’m headed here, other than to reflect on the history we’re making. History is being made every day, with every person, in every place. You can either make someone feel loved or not. And if they constantly feel unloved around you, then it doesn’t matter what you are wearing or what you are saying. It won’t go in the direction you were hoping for.

It’s funny. I wasn’t even going to write anything today. Turns out some things speak for themselves. ☕

Written with this S L O W · Stillness in Motion · Ocean Wind Chimes & Shaman Drum | 432hz playing in the background