Get in the Boat: Finding Clarity in a World of Chaos

I’m halfway through my month of Processing. No goals, yet. Observations, yes. Lots of reading. Not a ton of doing. Mobility stretching is helpful. I can get too stagnate and my body starts to ache. Some movement is necessary. Unfortunately.

Yesterday, I took advantage of the weather and the snow and went for a walk. There was that brilliant contract between a cool wind against my skin while being bundled warm. At one point, I sat down in the snow, gazing at a naked tree backed with blue sky. We don’t get snow often so the richness, cold, and bright colors refreshed me. The walk was over a lunch hour and I felt better. I need to feel better.

The snow feels good. It’s a calm and welcome participant in my new morning ritual of staring into the abyss that is my backyard over a cup of tea. I watch the birds, stare at squirrels. I choose to rest. I stopped bringing my phone to the table. I bring books instead. I am less rushed. More thoughts come to mind. I keep a notebook close by to capture any thought that sparkles more than normal.

And, I am not ignorant. Deep pain happens everywhere. It’s inside me. Friends around me are experiencing it. Life, even on a normal day can feel hard and cruel. And, I’m not even talking about the geo-political nature of things. I know it’s there.

With all that, I’m coming to an understanding. Whatever happens beyond my control does not need to control me. Yes, there will be causes I might pick up in response to the needs of others. There will be darkness and trouble and very confusing events that will cause upheaval and I’ll need to process those. But, no matter what happens to me or around me, I get to decide what I do with that information. I don’t have to be pulled in any direction that I don’t feel is correct, regardless of who is saying I should go that way. I get to decide.

Over the last couple of months, a couple of people asked me about my political leanings and I replied, “I follow Jesus”. I didn’t answer their question because I figured they were hoping for a very specific answer. And, they were. There’s no need to have discourse on a topic with someone who wants the direction to go in a very specific way. I don’t have the energy for that. There are better ways we can learn about each other, and better ways to spend our time. In the process, I’ve thought about why I follow Jesus. Especially in light of all I’m sifting through relating to my past.

The first thing that comes up for me is that Jesus can fall asleep anywhere. I admire anyone who prioritizes sleep. Re-reading Matthew 8, I love how after healing people, being honest about his life, and talking to anyone who wasn’t “fit” for society, Jesus crawls into a boat and falls asleep.

This storm, it’s pretty bad. Expert fisherman are afraid. The waves feel like they will overtake them all and what does Jesus do? He nods off. Maybe he was overexerted by all the peopling he’d already done that day (My theory is that Jesus is an introvert). But, I think a storm might have woken him up. He was aware. And, he was okay rolling over and resting for as long as he needed.

Finally the disciples can’t take it. They wake him up and most readers will know the end of this story. What always stood out to me in this story is not that Jesus was able to control the weather and stop the storm. That’s a neat trick. Instead, he could sleep through it. He could take care of himself in the midst of absolute chaos.

I don’t know what you are dealing with. Lord knows, if you are a human, you are probably battling something. The unexpected happens. The trauma traumatizes and you feel lost and afraid. I can sit with you here.

I can also say that we have a choice. We can take care of ourselves, ask for what we need, raise our hand, say what we need to say, and start moving in the right direction. It won’t be easy but the choice is still ours. We have options. We always have options.

Why should we take care of ourselves?

Because we’ll have to face what’s coming.

Jesus didn’t ignore the storm. He took care of himself, and then he faced it.

Who knows, maybe his nap gave him the power to do the impossible. I know for myself, when I try to power through, things don’t happen in miraculous ways. I end up more frustrated.

So, I walk away, spend time with the family, sleep, and then the next day, the answer comes to me. Whatever I needed shows up, or I realize what’s missing. This doesn’t always happen, but it happens more often when I let go and try not to control the outcome.

Taking care of ourselves gives us the power to do what we need to do. It is not selfish. It is our lifeline. I’ve lived under the authority of others who don’t take care of themselves yet still try to take care of me. Trust me it doesn’t work. You aren’t doing anyone a favor operating out of that mindset.

We need both. We need the courage to value and care for ourselves so we can face what we need to face. Clarity will come. We’ll know what we need to do. And, not everyone will agree with our decisions. Jesus dealt this too. Further on in Matthew 8, Jesus sent demons out of two people and into a herd of pigs. When the town heard about it, they asked him to leave. They weren’t a fan. Either they really wanted their pigs, or they didn’t want the two demon-possessed-men-turned-sane talking.

I was listening to a podcast this week and Dylan Matthews said something that got my attention. Speaking of Biden, Dylan talked about how Biden wasn’t a fan of making others angry at him. In Dylan’s words:

I wrote this down and put it on my desk. This is so true. We can’t escape others being disappointed by us. Jesus faced it. We will too. And, what does Jesus do? He steps back into a boat and goes where he’s led next.

We need these spaces: boats, gardens, mountainsides, coffee shops, quiet corners in the library. We need to find the clarity to make the best decisions that we can make

If it’s anything I wish for you and for me in 2025 and beyond is clarity.

We’re going to need lots of it.

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Written with G U A R D I A N - Deep Ethereal Ambient Music - Beautiful Fantasy Ambience playing in the background